Hollow Forest: The tumblr: The movie

Jan 2

Let’s Play Hyrule: Total War Part III: In battle, surprised equals dead

Oh boy it is update time once again. This should be a pretty cool update. Lots of fighting and other things of that nature.

So, first things first. I’m sending a diplomat into Gohma territory. If I can secure an alliance with the Gohma, my west and northern borders are going to be 100% secure. I’m not too fussed about the Moblins, either, so that’ll allow me to have all my attention focused on Hyrule.


They’re basically what you’d expect: a faction made up entirely of weird bugs. I don’t have much experience with them, so a full dossier is kind of impossible for me at the moment, but so far:


  1. Numerous. They can spawn their troops very quickly and easily, meaning they gain the (dubious) advantage of overwhelming numerical strength.
  2. Morale exemption. According to the official site, they don’t take morale damage unless they lose a captain, in which case they rout almost immediately. This is actually pretty good for them, because the main downside of a numerical advantage is the potential for mass routing. Without that, they’re much, much stronger.
  3. Expansive. Again according to the official site, the Gohma can build troops fromanystructure. This is huge, because every other faction needs to have a barracks to recruit their troops. The Gohma can (potentially) just plunk down a market or whatever and instantly have the capability to recruit a defense force.


  1. Weak. Seriously, their basic troops suck. They don’t have much of a ranged or cavalry option, and as a rule their troops can’t take much damage.
  2. Location. They’re next to the (reportedly) absurdly strong Kokiri and the respectably tough Lizalfos, both of whom could, in a pinch, give them a real whooping. Also, Hyrule’s easiest expansion option is towards them.

Even so, I’d like to have them on my side until I can get rid of the big threat (Hyrule), so I can have some breathing room to properly stomp them later.

I also move my Zuna troops up to take over a Darknut rebel city, on the complex logic that more land=more better.

"ho ho" I say, "two units of spearmen? this is gonna be a walk in the park"

An overview of our troops before the battle. We’ve got Merchantmen, basic spearmen, crossbow troops, and our Ziggurats.

"fantastic!" I say, "the enemy doesn’t even want to come out to meet me! i’ll just snipe them from outside the gates!"


My men actuallyran out of ammo, and I had to carge in my Merchantmen. The Darknuts lost maybe,maybefive soldiers. Part of this is, of course, that crossbows are unfortunately bad at indirect fire, but another part is that Darknuts arefucking tough as nails.

This is about when I realized that the Darknuts were not something to mess around with.

We win the initial clash, two units against one, but with such insane casualties that my men are still thinking about running.

Eventually we corner the general and take him down, and…

Hell of a victory. Notice we had to kill almost every last one of the Darknuts, my spearmen are almost all dead, and one group has actually routed.

Darknuts are bad news.

On the plus side, we’ve finalized an alliance with the Gohma.

On the downside, this Hylian diplomat keeps hanging out right next to one of my towns and doing something every turn. I strongly suspect that they’re trying to bribe my town guard and take the town, but I can’t actually do anything about it, on account of not having access to assassins.

Better yet, the time has finally come to teach Nabooru the wages of treachery. (Note I actually sent a diplomat after her, to see if I could bribe her back into my service. That wasn’t actually an option and all it accomplished was making me look like a huge softie.)


We start the battle, and

um what

Nabooru, presumably due to being a unique unit, has spawned with a bunch of placeholder peasants, with no textures. While it’s a little less dramatic than I’d hoped…

We get results. Nabooru is now dead, despite being an immortal Sage or something (I actually hoped she’d respawn in my territory, under my command. No such luck, I’m afraid. The other generals are going to have to pick up the slack.)

Another ranking screen. We’re doing… okay. I wish our financials were better, but I’m perfectly willing to pry gold out of the cold, dead hands of our enemies, which is generally reasonably effective.

This… puts us in an awkward position. I don’t want to piss off the Darknuts, and I do want to kill the Hylians. At the same time, I think I might be able to convince the Darknuts to break their alliance in the near future, especially if I can bargain with some of Hyrule’s land. Either way, that’s put our plans on hold for the moment. We’re going to have to focus primarily on expansion away from Hyrule, rather than directly into it.

I autoresolve this battle because it was getting late and I was tired Because I wanted to see what would happen. We get okay, but not great results. Probably more efficient if I just fight them myself.

Our absolute westernmost border town has also come under siege by rebels. They’re all Darknuts. I actually consider autoresolving this before I realize that they will completely wreck me unless I come up with something good.

spoiler: i come up with something pretty good.

Here’s the scenario: I’ve got two forces, one made up of the survivors of the attack on the Darknut town, the others a quick response force made up of all the crossbowmen I had left over and a unit of Dune Archers. The enemy has a few units of Dishonored, the same guys I took the town from. What is the best approach?

If you answered “be annoying”, you’re dead on.

Remember,Darknuts can’t run. So I take the archers from both forces and move them into position: the quick response force follows the Darknuts as they try to advance up the massive hill, the archers from the town assault move to a ridge and shoot down.

And shoot.

And shoot.

And shoot.

Even when we’ve taken out their general, they’re still no closer to running, they’re almost at the top of the hill, and, despite being shaken, they’re unlikely to actually break under crossbow fire. My men are exhausted, so if they get caught (unlikely, but possible) they’ll be decimated. In a desperation move, I send in the Ziggurats, under the logic that they count as heavy cavalry and might be able to accomplish something, anything.

Somehow, it works. They roll straight over the Dishonored, slaughtering them with zero casualties. They break almost immediately after the initial charge.

yippe kai yay mother fucker- the die hard guy

I start building blacksmiths. They’re expensive, but they’ll allow me to start producing foot Dune Archers, which will be much more useful for sieges.

I also decide on a new plan of action: since the Darknuts are allied with the Hylians, I’ll need to find other nations willing to start a war with them. There’s a variety of options: the Lanayru Zora to the north, the (reportedly insanely strong) Kokiri further east, the Gorons, the River Zora, the Labrynna in the far east… While each of these are arguably a genie that could be a tough rival if I let them out of their bottle, I’m willing to take that risk, for now.

Unfortunately the Lanayru won’t actually take the bait, but I do get trading rights with them. In any case, there will be other opportunities.